


I need a time billing code for not doing shit

by wizened_cynic



Series: An Idiot's Guide to Dating Your (Crazy) Co-Worker [3]
Category: Criminal Minds RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, F/F, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-13
Updated: 2012-05-13
Packaged: 2017-11-05 07:32:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/403911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wizened_cynic/pseuds/wizened_cynic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one's really sure what Paget's job is, only that she replaced Lola, who got fired after she started taking her parakeets to work and tried to shoot Bernero when he told her she couldn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I need a time billing code for not doing shit

**Author's Note:**

> I was going through my journal and found this random commentfic I wrote for a random comment fic meme that I invented. Based on this someecard and part of the Criminal Minds RPS Office AU I've got going, apparently:

No one has ever seen Paget do any work. 

In fact, no one's really sure what Paget's job is, only that she replaced Lola, who got fired after she started taking her parakeets to work and tried to shoot Bernero when he told her she couldn't.

Paget spends a great deal of her day hanging around A.J.'s desk, and A.J. is mostly all right with that. She says mostly because once in a while Gibson from HR pulls A.J. aside and lectures her on the perils of office romances, especially those involving the clinically insane. Case in point: Lola. 

And there's also the thing where A.J. needs to get her work done, so she can keep her job and afford things like food and clothes and rent, and having Paget around her is not terribly conducive to that.

Which is why, though slightly disappointing, it is also a relief when Paget naps in her cubicle this morning and allows A.J. to catch up on last week's files.

She's only a third of the way done when Matthew throws his wireless mouse onto the floor in a fit of rage and screams in the Paget's direction, "WHA is not a word! Tell me which dictionary defines 'wha' as a word!"

Gibson steps out of his closet-slash-office and says, scrubbing his face with his hand, "No more Machiavellian scrabble, kids. It's bad for office morale."

It's silent for another twenty minutes until Paget appears at A.J.'s side. "Hey."

"Hey." 

"Let's prank Mundy."

A.J. raises an eyebrow.

"Well, Bernero's in LA, and Messer scares me," says Paget. 

"I didn't think anything scared you," says A.J. 

"Messer scares me," Paget repeats, and then adds thoughtfully, "and manatees. They're like deformed mermaids." 

"It's Tuesday," A.J. reminds her. "No pranks until the afternoon." 

"Come on, don't make me do work," Paget whines. "Time could be much better spent stealing toilet paper."

"Have you ever actually done work? You should try it once in a while."

"I've already done everything for the week," Paget says, so blithely that she doesn't seem to be lying. 

Which is crazy, because nobody has ever seen Paget work.

"You've never seen the Sasquatch, but he still exists," Paget says defensively.

A.J. says, "Uh, no, he doesn't."

"So you say," says Paget. "Here's the secret, my friend." She leans down towards A.J.'s ear, and her breath is warm and smells like cinnamon. "I work really fast. It's a curse. I can't tell anyone because they'd make me do more work, and I don't need that shit in my life. Now that I've told you, you must swear to keep it a secret or I'd have to kill you and put your head on a stick to warn the others. I'm kidding." Her soft chuckle is followed by a deadly leer. " _Or am I_?"

"Let's prank Mundy," A.J. says, because there's no way she can concentrate on data entry after being simultaneously turned on by having Paget so close to her and utterly terrified by 70% of the stuff that comes out of Paget's mouth. 

"I love this job," says Paget.


End file.
